> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://readthriving.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Are you Investing Enough in Your Friendships? - URL: https://readthriving.com/are-you-investing-enough-in-your-friendships/ - Published: 2026-09-22T14:28:06.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-22T14:28:06.000Z - Description: Strong friendships don't suddenly appear when we need them. They are built over decades of showing up for one another. - Author: Mike Wilson A decade ago, my father was diagnosed with an aggressive bile duct cancer. He was given 6 months to live. He ultimately lived for more than three years, approaching his illness with extraordinary determination and a positive attitude. But they were a tough three years. He was very sick almost the entire time, and bedridden for much of it. But he wasn’t unhappy. As he used to say, **“Any day I can have a cup of tea with a friend or see my grandkids … it’s a good day”**. And he meant it. Even if he was in pain much of the day or couldn't get out of bed, these simple things made life not just worth living to him, but made life wonderful. Over those three years, not a single day went by that Dad (and my mom) didn’t have at least two or three friends stop by for a cup of tea and a visit. Sometimes it was as simple as one of my Dad’s old hockey teammates or workmates dropping in on their lunch break, or as they drove by the house… but they were there all the time... over that whole 1,000-day battle he had with cancer. He and my mom always prioritized friendship and family over all else. They had a tight group of eight friends—ten people including my parents—who were as close as family. As long as I can remember, the eight of them would get together every Saturday morning for breakfast, see each other multiple times a week (not all 10, but subsets of the 10), and speak and laugh for hours wherever they saw each other. So, when Dad was sick, they were around the house constantly, providing company, helping out … anything. I can remember, on numerous occasions, my dad falling out of bed or having an urgent issue in the middle of the night. My mom would call one of them, and the husband would be over at their place within 15 minutes – even if it was 2 a.m. – to do whatever needed to be done. When Dad got sick, these friends did not suddenly materialize. **They were already there**. My parents also had an extended group of friends who, even though they didn’t see each other weekly or even monthly, were deeply connected. One regular – almost daily – visitor was an old hockey buddy, George; as a kid, we called him Smurph because he was, quite literally, round. A 300+ pound bricklayer with an amazing sense of humor. He would stop by anytime he drove by the house. Sometimes for less than 5 minutes, just to say hi to Dad or Mom and usually drop by some cookies or a coffee… just to show them he was thinking about them. **And it didn't stop when Dad died.** Mom would see him at least three times a week, again maybe for 3 minutes, or for a cup of coffee if he had a little more time. Seeing how these friends were there for my parents had a deep impact on my wife and me. It made us aware of something important we were missing in our lives. We had family, careers, interests, and each other—and, frankly, we really liked our own company. But we hadn't invested in friendship the way my parents had. **If I became seriously ill tomorrow, who besides my family would come over at two in the morning?** I wasn't entirely sure. After that, we committed to fostering our relationships with the people we really care about. I reconnected with a group of old high school friends, and we now communicate almost daily and see each other a couple of times a year. My wife and I began to prioritize time with our favorite friends, and today we have several friendships that have become incredibly important to us. They're there for us—and we're there for them—through thick and thin. Years later, when I started digging into the science of healthy aging, I discovered that what I'd watched in my parents' living room wasn't merely heartwarming. Social connection appears to be profoundly linked to our health and happiness. Geeking out a bit, I came across a landmark 2010 paper—a meta-analysis led by psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad. Rather than looking at one cohort, the researchers combined **148 studies involving 308,849 people**. It found that people with stronger social relationships had about a **50% greater likelihood of survival** during the study periods than people with weaker social relationships. The association persisted across age, sex, initial health status, cause of death, and follow-up period. That's a remarkably large association. And while this kind of research can't prove that strong relationships caused people to live longer, it's another indication that our social lives may matter to our physical health much more than we realize. Then there's the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which began following people in 1938 and has continued for more than 85 years. It found that people who are more socially connected tend to be **happier, healthier, and longer-lived**, and relationship quality appears strongly connected with later-life well-being. Robert Waldinger, the study's current director, talks about **“social fitness”**—the idea that relationships require ongoing attention, much like physical fitness. My parents were socially fit, and those Saturday breakfasts weren't merely pleasant. They were the friendship equivalent of going to the gym every week for decades. And when my Dad became ill, I saw what decades of maintaining that social fitness had built. The lesson I've taken from my parents isn't that we should have more friends. It's that deep friendship takes time. The people who showed up at my parents' house during those thousand difficult days hadn't been recruited when Dad got cancer. My parents had spent decades having breakfast with them, laughing with them, helping them, showing up for them, and sharing their lives. My wife and I started investing more deliberately in our friendships about ten years ago. It's one of the best decisions we've made. So perhaps there's another question we should add to our retirement planning. We ask how much money we'll need at 70\. We ask where we'll live and whether we'll be healthy enough to travel. **But who will come over for tea?** And, perhaps more importantly: **Whose house will we be dropping into?**